Baby Fever, and other stories

Let me start off by saying that I had surgery this past Friday. I am still very sore, but I am doing better. I had my gall bladder removed, lapriscoplically. It looks like I've been stabbed four times. Two of the incisions are healing nicely, but the other two are giving me some issues. At least one of them is bruised. Anyway, as a single mom, I have been very blessed to have my parents and my sister help out. My sister is currently on a very much deserved vacation with her family, but my parents have really stepped in to help Eli and I out. I am eternally grateful. I would not be on the mend, and as such, unable to return to work next week. So, THANK YOU EVERYONE WHO HAS HELPED ME WITH MY SURGERY! What's funny is that my son's father, who has no idea what his son has been up to, most likely has no idea that I had surgery. I don't expect him to care about what's going on with me, but you would think he'd want to know who was caring for his son?

Also, since this blog was begun, I had made some promises to myself... promises I have not been adhering to... I have not been dieting and exercising like I had started. I put a few pounds back on, but I haven't gone over the 290 lbs. mark, yet. I'm hoping once I heal, to jump back on the wagon. I will be trying a free two weeks at a local gym. That may be all I need to get my butt back in gear. My goal, now, is to get a body that I love, so after my divorce is final, I can enter the dating scene once again. That gives me a goal, and a realistic time frame. Of course, my main source of motivation continues to be my precious son, which brings me to the meat and potatoes of this entry...

I have BABY FEVER like you wouldn't believe! A close friend just had her second baby. I have two cousins who are both expecting. I would love for my sister to start trying for her second (even though I'm aware it is none of my business), and I have a bunch of online buddies who are preggo, or trying to concieve. Please, believe me, I am well aware of my own situation. I am still married. I am getting over a serious relationship. I am living with my parents. I am financially, emotionally, physically unstable for another child. I'm not even dating, or considering dating... So I know better, trust me. I'm not going to go get knocked-up, though God knows I can't wait to have more kids!

I love being a mom. I adore being a mom. Being a mom is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. My precious son is my whole world. He is the center of my universe. I feel like I'm cheating both of us out of a beautiful experience by wishing and hoping to have another baby. So, I have been doing some thinking, and I find this a great cure to my baby fever. Here goes...

1. Enjoy the time I have with Elijah. I am realizing more and more each day that time with my son is more precious than I can imagine. I swear, today, he's already grown 3 more inches since yesterday. He's growing too big, too fast. I don't want to waste another minute. I want to savor these days, before he's grown and off to college by the next time I blink.

2. Enjoy being able to spoil Eli. I won't get to when I have more kids. I can spoil Eli as much as I want, without feeling guilty.

3. Looking foward to future events. Elijah is at such a fun age, now. He's more independant, he's communicating more... I can now realize all the magic of my own childhood with my son. Holidays are going to be a hundred times more incredible... and look, we have the Fourth of July right around the corner! Summer vacation... swimming, playing outside, fire flies, summer thunder storms, baseball games, snow cones, etc. I can't even tell you how excited I am for Halloween and Christmas this year!

4. I am going back to school this fall! This is huge. I have been missing school for years, now, and I finally get to go back. The difficulty with two or more kids would be ridiculous, even with a strong man at my side to help out...

I am so blessed, and I'm quick to look past those blessings to see what I want for the future. My son is growing up without me. I'm missing out on these beautiful times that are right around me. I'm tired of wishing my life away. I'm ready to start living it. So yes, while I want badly to have more kids, I am so content enjoying life with just me and my beautiful little boy.

I AM BLESSED!

Biggest Loser

That's right! I have joined a "Biggest Loser"-esque weight loss program at my church. I am beyond excited about this. I am on a team with (currently) seven other women, plus our group leader. We are competing against other teams for the next 8 weeks.

This is what I need.

Giving up soda was a good start, but it didn't amount to much (that was tangible, at least). On the upside, I can't drink soda anymore. It tastes disgusting to me, now, and it makes my stomach hurt. However, I had lost about 4 lbs, and as far as I can tell I gained 2 lbs back.

Today was Day 1. As of our first weigh in, I am (dear God...) 292 lbs. I have set longterm and shorterm goals for myself. Well, I'm going. Longterm, I want to lose about 120 lbs. Shorterm, I haven't gotten that far. I'm going to take it one day at a time, though. This week (not counting tonight) I will walk 30 minutes each day. Elijah's bedtime is 8pm, so it will have to be then. In the mornings that I don't work, I can get in some workout time while Eli snacks, but that won't be much time.

I am going to be thinner and healthier, and this next 8 weeks is the start of a new life for me.

In divorce news, I haven't heard from Zack in a month. He hasn't even checked on Elijah, not once. How this man thinks he is still a "father" is beyond me.

Mother's Day is around the corner. For all of the other single mamas out there, Happy Mother's Day from me. My son is too young to recognize this holiday, so this one will pass unnoticed, but I know he loves me, and there are future holidays to get burnt toast and cold tea in bed, and handful of weed flowers. I look forward to them all. :)

I was offered a full-time position at work, too... The blessings keep coming. God is good, all the time.