Something has been bugging me...

I recently read an article about a little experiment that was conducted. Some company intentionaly "lost" 50 smart phones. They purposely labled files with "HR" "Banking" "Passwords" and "Personal files". They were able to track where these phones went, and how they were being used.

They concluded that most people tried to access the personal files. Even those people who tried to contact the owner to return the phone.

The results were pretty disturbing. Basically they say that everyone is prone to a dark side, especially when it's so easy to do what's wrong... Well, call me optimistic, but I would like to disagree.

The thing is, I'm sure I wouldn't have peeked at the personal info. I like to believe that I'd have just tried to track down the owner, or turn the phone over to authorities. The absolute truth is that I wouldn't have even considered rummaging around someone's phone. The thought makes me uncomfortable. I just don't think to do things like that because I was raised with a clear understanding or right/wrong.

I am not trying to sound like a goody-two-shoes. I'm being totally honest. Here's what really bothers me, though. Will I be able to instill these same beliefs in my own children? Would they pass this test? If they don't, have I failed in some way as a parent?

How do young parents address these new parenting territories that technology has introduced? It's a whole new ballgame than when my parents raised me... It's pretty overwhelming.

A new chapter of my life begins

...in less than two days. Thursday morning I will be downtown at the courthouse, dissolving my marriage, seeking a custody agreement for my son, and establishing child support. In less than two days, my only relationship with Eli's father will only be in the best interests of Eli. I will be so thankful to have a court order in place to protect Eli and myself. After Thursday, any crap that he'd like to pull will stop short because of our court order. Of course, it continues to be my greatest hope that he grows up and takes some responsibility. The sad truth, though, is I have no idea what he is capable of. He was my best friend of 7 years. He was my husband for over 3. He is the father of my child... and he's a complete stranger. Do you know how terrifying that can be? Who did I marry? What is going on in his head? What is he capable of?

Of course there is a huge element of the unknown going into Thursday. This is my first divorce (and I pray to God, my last!). I have no idea what to expect. What if he does get something? What if I do have to send my child to visit every other weekend, and all of the summer? It is going to break my heart... I have been Eli's sole caregiver for over 2 years, now... To have someone swoop in and say "Sorry, here's how it's going to be." Also, how am I supposed to cope with the fact that I will have NO IDEA what is going on when he's at his dad's house? I mean, his family scares me, honestly. The things they do/say. The way they treat children... Their hatred of me. What would they do or say in front of my baby? I can't protect him from that. Maybe I am overreacting. You know what? I hope I am... But what if I'm not?

Anyway, I am about 85% confident that I will be happy with whatever decision is reached on Thursday... I feel like I have been walking on eggshells for the past 2 years.

This should be interesting.