...in less than two days. Thursday morning I will be downtown at the courthouse, dissolving my marriage, seeking a custody agreement for my son, and establishing child support. In less than two days, my only relationship with Eli's father will only be in the best interests of Eli. I will be so thankful to have a court order in place to protect Eli and myself. After Thursday, any crap that he'd like to pull will stop short because of our court order. Of course, it continues to be my greatest hope that he grows up and takes some responsibility. The sad truth, though, is I have no idea what he is capable of. He was my best friend of 7 years. He was my husband for over 3. He is the father of my child... and he's a complete stranger. Do you know how terrifying that can be? Who did I marry? What is going on in his head? What is he capable of?
Of course there is a huge element of the unknown going into Thursday. This is my first divorce (and I pray to God, my last!). I have no idea what to expect. What if he does get something? What if I do have to send my child to visit every other weekend, and all of the summer? It is going to break my heart... I have been Eli's sole caregiver for over 2 years, now... To have someone swoop in and say "Sorry, here's how it's going to be." Also, how am I supposed to cope with the fact that I will have NO IDEA what is going on when he's at his dad's house? I mean, his family scares me, honestly. The things they do/say. The way they treat children... Their hatred of me. What would they do or say in front of my baby? I can't protect him from that. Maybe I am overreacting. You know what? I hope I am... But what if I'm not?
Anyway, I am about 85% confident that I will be happy with whatever decision is reached on Thursday... I feel like I have been walking on eggshells for the past 2 years.
This should be interesting.
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